I was in the middle of throwing myself the most awesome pity party. One that would put my toddler to shame. It went something like this..."I'm exhausted!" "I don't feel like anyone appreciates what I do." "Why is life so hard?" I hate to admit that most of the thoughts focused on the work that is required to care for our precious daughter. All the therapy, doctor visits, and medicine were getting to me on that particular day. The mom guilt made an appearance in there somewhere as well, as I wondered if my sweet, energetic toddler was getting enough attention during all this focused time on his sister. Thankfully, God didn't let me linger there very long. He grabbed my attention with something that snapped me out of my self-focused thinking very quickly. During my silent sulking, which just so happened to be in the waiting area of a doctor's office, in walked a mom with her precious son. He was about Chloe's age. He was hooked up to oxygen, and was clearly dealing with some severe medical struggles. The weary mother and I made small talk while we waited for the doctor. I didn't have the courage to ask for more details about her son. I wish I had. It may have lead to a deeper conversation and sharing some encouragement with this mamma who was fighting a battle that I am becoming familiar with. Instead, I sat back and observed while she maneuvered all the tubes to hold and change her little one. I watched while she had to ask someone at the hospital for a new oxygen tank because the one she had was getting low and could run out before they got home. I eavesdropped while she shared with a nurse about teaching her family to care for her son, so she could have a little free time just to run errands. All the while, God was whispering in my ear, "What do you think of your "difficulties" now? Are they really that bad?" I became ashamed at my earlier thoughts. It was just the reality check I needed from God. The challenges I face became minor compared to this strong mother. My focus shifted.
I am not advocating the comparison game to deal with difficulty. We will always be able to find someone on either side of the spectrum from us. But when we are tempted to feel sorry for ourselves, I think we need a reality check. Often, when we focus on those negative things going on in our life, they become magnified until they are all we see. We get tunnel vision towards those problems. Pretty soon we're in Pity Party City, population-one. Instead, we need to realize that there is so much more going on in our lives and in the world than just those struggles we're dealing with at that moment. If we look hard enough, we can find something to rejoice over. For me, that meant in the midst of dealing with feeding difficulties, getting excited that Chloe is gaining physical strength and interacting more with us. If I had remained focused on all the hard things, I would miss out on the joy of what is going right. My attitude would have become more and more sour and I'm afraid it would have become more and more difficult to identify the positive. Let's take it one step further and say that when our focus expands, it needs to expand to others. Rather than view others as comparison points, we need to view them as opportunities to reach out of ourselves and give. Who knows what might come of it? If I had been courageous enough to reach out and really talk to that mom, what could have happened?
God also reminded me that the hardships we face have a purpose. They're not in vain. 2 Corinthians 4:17 reminds us that "...our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!" We are matured by the difficulties we face and they are temporary. I've noticed during my travels that the richest and deepest personalities often belong to the people who have dealt with extreme suffering and allowed it to brew them like an aromatic cup of coffee. So that has become my prayer; that I will use whatever difficulty God allows in my life to mature me and make me more and more like Christ. I want my spirit to remain flexible and teachable so that no lesson is wasted. No more tunnel vision!
