The Bible says to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. I find it hard to do these days as the first thing I'm met with on Facebook is pictures of smiling mothers holding their newborns and then listen to numerous announcements (4 so far this summer) as friends share their news of being pregnant. Sure, I can put on a grin and congratulate the happy couple, but deep down inside I feel the ache of longing to hold my own precious child.
Lately, the ache has been more profound. I have much to be thankful for, I know. A home, a supportive family, a loving, hard-working husband, a beautiful dog named Lacie, the list goes on and on. Why is it that, despite all our blessings, we choose to focus on the one thing we think is missing. In our discontent, it's hard to realize that we give everything we do have the label of "not enough" and disqualify ourselves from truly enjoying them. However natural my desire to be a mother may be, perhaps there are other things God has called me to do for the time being.
My prayer today is that I will be able to view God's blessings in my life for what they truly are and not push them aside to become bitter over what I do not have.
Just wanted to tell you that I know your pain and I share it with you.
ReplyDeleteFor years I struggled with the pain and bitterness, some days better than others, and I came to the realization that it is OK to be mad to be sad and to grieve, but life does still go on around us (even though I always felt like we were "stuck" for all those years while everyone else got to move on) and I had to learn to balance the two.
One day your dream will come true too, no one knows when or how long you will have to wait, which makes it even harder, but one day it will happen for you so just hold on to that hope.
We pray for you both every day
I hope it is ok to share this with you, but I would sometimes read this when having a particularly bad day and it helped maybe just a little...
~Laura Hardy
"There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.
I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books,
but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream.
My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.
I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.
I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard.
I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes I will be a wonderful mother...
-Unknown."
Laura,
ReplyDeleteThat is beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing. You can be sure I'll read over that many times. :)