Fear Not...

Fear, anxiety, stress.  These are not very positive emotions, but each stage of life, however exciting, has the ability to bring these about.  I found myself  struggling with some of these feelings as we submitted our formal application for adoption.  As the process became more "real," so did all those doubts and concerns.  Thoughts like "you're not ready, your life will change forever, what if you get a difficult child..." raced through my mind.  Then all the logistics of adopting began to place doubt about the practicality of adopting a child at this stage of our life.  "Can we afford a child?  What about my job?  How will we finish the house in time?"  The anxiety could have become crippling.  But a thought stopped all others in their tracks..."If not now, when?"  Would there ever be a perfect time to adopt?  Quite frankly, we would be waiting until eternity if we chose to wait for just the right time.

We live in such a risk adverse society, and I allowed myself to get caught up in that mindset.  While I see the wisdom of planning, I think we can allow our fears to get so big that they block out possible blessings in life that God may have for us, if we trust Him.  That really is the antidote to fear.  Trust.  One little word, yet it can make all the difference.  The object of our trust matters as well.  Because when we try to put our trust in the world in all its instability, it comes up short.  However, when we put our trust in the God of the Bible, He is always faithful.  It is God who gives us, in the place of fear, a spirit of power, love, and self control (2 Timothy 1:7).  We can have peace in the midst of chaos and the unknown.  Once I accepted this truth, I was freed to get excited about filling out the application and dream about the child that God may bring into our life; in full faith that no matter the future holds, He will give me the strength to handle it.

In fact, as I was writing, I got notice that our application was accepted and that we will soon be getting more paperwork to continue on with the process.  From here, there is going to be much more to do.  But if I can hold onto trust rather than fear, the process will be a much more joyous one.

Just two pairs of crocs...

I almost let the symbolism pass me by as I walked past them last night on my way down the stairs.  Two pairs of crocs, dusty and well-used.  One belonging to me and the other belonging to my husband.  We use them while we're working on the bedroom that we're praying will one day hold our child.  As I gave it more thought, the meaning of it struck me.  How much harder would it be to work and prepare a room all by myself?  Then I broadened the metaphor.  How much harder would life be if I had to go through it alone?  Thankfully, God did not intend us to walk through life alone.  We need a community of friends and family to support us through the ups and downs of life.  Even when I am physically alone, God promises that He is with me.  Hebrews 13:5 reminds me of this declaration.  Somehow, it is easier to go through a difficulty if we know we are not going through it alone.  That has held true in my life.  In the process of waiting for a child and preparing our house, there have been so many who have come alongside David and I to help and encourage.  It has made the process bearable (even exciting) at times! 

David and I have now officially started the adoption process with an agency.  We realized that if we waited for a perfect time, it would never come.  God has given us peace.  A peace I don't think would be there if we were alone.  

While they may look like just worn pairs of shoes, I will see them and always be grateful that there are two.

Comfort Food

Before I started this blog, I had some doubts as to whether it was a good thing to do.  It felt a little egocentric to be honest.  Then, the words of one of my camp counselors came to mind.  Some of her feedback to me was that she felt I had a lot to share with others and that, by holding back I was not allowing God to work through me.  I guess that's part of what God means in 2nd Corinthians 1:3-4 "Blessed be the God and Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our afflictions, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."  If I don't share how God comforts me with others who might need it, I steal others of the opportunity to experience that same peace.  Now that sounds selfish, doesn't it?  So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that   through sharing, I hope this blog becomes a source of support and encouragement for anyone who is struggling.

So, how has God comforted you through difficult times?  I bet if you look back, you'll see the various ways He brought you through the pain.  For me, there have been so many times that God has used others to speak  peace into my heart.  I've also experienced times when I read a passage of Scripture that speaks directly to me and acts like aloe on my burning heart.  While God doesn't always take the situation away, He provides encouragement to keep going.  I know as David and I begin the process of adoption (Lord willing, in the fall), the road won't be easy.  However, I don't doubt that the journey will be worth it.  We are currently in the process of remodeling our home.  Largely in order to prepare our home for children.  Although the process is frustrating at times, it was pointed out that remodeling could be looked at as the "pregnancy and labor" period as we work to welcome a new addition.  While it will take longer than nine months, this perspective has given me new excitement (and comfort!) through the stress of what feels like constant dirt and chaos.  If I focus on the end goal rather than the inconvenience it takes to get there, I notice I am much more willing to go through it.  That was my recent comfort, a change in perspective.  May God bring you peace as He promises in His word.

Three's (welcomed) company...

The Bible says to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice.  I find it hard to do these days as the first thing I'm met with on Facebook is pictures of smiling mothers holding their newborns and then listen to numerous announcements (4 so far this summer) as friends share their news of being pregnant.  Sure, I can put on a grin and congratulate the happy couple, but deep down inside I feel the ache of longing to hold my own precious child.
Lately, the ache has been more profound.  I have much to be thankful for, I know.  A home, a supportive family, a loving, hard-working husband, a beautiful dog named Lacie, the list goes on and on.  Why is it that, despite all our blessings, we choose to focus on the one thing we think is missing.  In our discontent, it's hard to realize that we give everything we do have the label of "not enough" and disqualify ourselves from truly enjoying them.  However natural my desire to be a mother may be, perhaps there are other things God has called me to do for the time being.
My prayer today is that I will be able to view God's blessings in my life for what they truly are and not push them aside to become bitter over what I do not have.

My thoughts as I sat down to write this were "here goes nothing!"  I have no idea if anyone is going to read this, let alone become a "follower", but if one person is encouraged by my journey it will have been worth it.  To come right out and say it, and you might have guessed by the title, the journey I'm referring to is one of infertility.  In all actuality, it's not just my journey. It's as much my husband, David's, as it is mine.  I mention him because this experience would have been that much more difficult without the loving, tender support he has provided.  But, what has gotten us both through the knowledge that there is little chance of having our own children is the comfort from our Heavenly Father.  Knowing that God is in control reassures both of us.  We look forward to what He has in mind for our future together as a family because we know He has something exciting in store!

David and I are currently considering adoption.  Even when we were dating, and it was clear our relationship was serious, we discussed adoption as an option.  I will get into the background in later blogs, but I knew years ago that infertility was most likely an issue for me.  So, it helped David's case that he had three adopted sisters and was comfortable with the prospect from the get-go.  Right now, there are so many avenues available to couples seeking to adopt that it can be overwhelming.  We've been to some informational meetings and looked at websites and talked to couples who have adopted.  Still, we're waiting on the Lord and wanting to make sure that it's not our selfish desires that are leading our decisions.  As I continue the blog, I'll be updating the progress we're making and sharing the highs and lows of our journey.  So, buckle up and get ready to enjoy the ride with us!