In my wildest dreams

My heart is full as I sit down to share what God has been doing in our lives lately. Thinking back to when we first applied to adopt, I'm not sure I knew what to expect. Part of the way I handled that uncertainty was then to limit my expectations. I felt that I could escape disappointment if I had no pre-conceived idea of how the process was going to unfold. While my faith in God is largely what has given me such true trust and peace throughout the journey so far I think another factor was this choice I made to avoid having a specific outcome in mind. I suppose it can be linked to my faith because I chose to give God the outcome. I don't mean to make it sound simple. It has been a conscious struggle to keep from placing my own hopes and desires on God and demanding that He fulfill them.

In order to prepare us for the road ahead so many gracious people lovingly offered advice and support. We also heard from those who had already gone through the experience as they shared what to expect. While we cherish this encouragement, and will continue to reach out to those who are willing to open their hearts to us, I'm beginning to realize how unique adoption is. God's time table and plan is different for everyone. I'm not talking about
His will. There are certain things that He asks of all His children.  I'm referring to how our lives play out day to day and the specific call He gives us as families and individuals. Since God's call on every family is unique, I think it would be safe to assume that each couple who are adopting are going to have an experience that is specific to them based on how the Lord is working in their life. That doesn't mean that we can't benefit from each other's story. It just leads me to caution and to be cautious myself of making other people's experiences the standard by which I judge my own. Again, the idea of watching what my expectations are.

To share a little bit about our own time table, God has humbled me as I've seen Him put things into place.  We are now fully approved and on the waiting list for placement. Which is a big blessing because even before our home study was official, we were connected with some possible matches!  Nothing is official yet, but we are sensing that God is moving and doing something wonderful! For example, one of the big concerns for us was child care. If the placement were to happen soon, we would have had to scramble to work something out due to our work schedules. Recently, however God has provided a way that we would be able to both care for the child without having to place them in daycare. Another blessing is that David's work is very supportive of adoption and will give him some time off when the time comes and we are placed with a baby.  Considering what my expectations may have been, I'm glad that God didn't meet them! Because I see now that His plans are much better than anything I could have dreamed up. 1Corinthians 2:9 "...No eye has seen, nor ear has heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love Him."

In the waiting

There has been quite a bit happening on the home front. Which is why it has been so long since I've written.  David and I have finished our adoption home study which means that we are basically approved and on the waiting list to be placed with an infant. As we get closer to being placed with our baby I find myself getting really excited. Right now at least I'm not nervous or second guessing our decision at all.  It feels very natural actually.  Like our family is supposed to be started this way.  It seems God had this all planned from the start for us.
Flashback several years before David and I met...David's family is very familiar with adoption.  Out of his six siblings,  three of them are adopted. David was so impacted by his sister's adoption, he determined that it was going to be a part of his own future family.  Meanwhile, as I was growing older and of "child bearing" age, I was struggling to cope with the idea that I would most likely never have my own children due to a chromosome disorder I was diagnosed with at the age of ten. In the midst of dealing with that grief, I was also trying to determine how and when I would discuss this fact in dating, knowing that infertility could be a deal breaker with whoever I was dating. As I thought about how I wanted to start my family if God should bless me with a husband, adoption seemed the natural option. Even though I was not familiar with adoption from a personal standpoint, I felt it was a beautiful way to provide love and family for a child who might not otherwise have it. Besides, isn't it a picture of what God did for us in adopting us into His family?
That is where David and my stories intersect. As we dated, it became clear that it was getting serious and I knew "the conversation" needed to happen. Knowing David's history with adoption certainly helped ease some of the anxiety in bringing the subject up but I still didn't know how he would respond to having the option of having biological children taken off the table, barring divine intervention. I don't remember his response word for word but I do remember how I felt after the conversation. I felt so reassured and at peace. I knew the Lord really had been the one to bring us together.
So, to bring the story full circle, we are now in the waiting period of the adoption. There is a relief in this part because all the paperwork is done and there is really nothing on our part that needs to be done. But that's also the stressful part of it too. Because there is nothing more for us to do, it can feel a little bit like our hands are tied. Even my easy going nature is stretched. I guess that's when having the house projects to focus on are a good distraction. It will hopefully keep me from pestering my poor adoption caseworker every week for updates! :)
Stay tuned. I hope to be more faithful in writing and keeping the posts coming.